Late-Night Comics Target Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Visa Program

Late-night's leading hosts spent the broadcast mocking ex-President Donald Trump's newly launched visa program, called the "Trump card," characterizing it as a blatant pay-for-access scheme for the rich.

Stephen Colbert's Pointed Take

Kicking off his broadcast, Stephen Colbert offered a satirical holiday tune directed at the president. "He is making a list, reviewing it twice, before giving that list to the officials at ICE," he intoned. "Trump ... ruins each thing he comes into contact with."

Colbert's target was the controversial plan which permits international citizens to acquire U.S. residency for a sum of a million dollars, or "platinum" version for five million. A government website promises approval "faster than ever."

"A quick message for you to rich applicants: prior to you pony up, have you considered Canada?" Colbert joked.

He explained that the program is also meant to "get cash" from businesses looking to hire skilled workers, with large costs. "That is a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you additionally get two free nights at a hotel of your choice – as long as it's the a specific Marriott," he added.

"The best vetting the government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these people truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert responded. "Question one: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Commentary

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"This is a card that will let rich overseas citizens to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your selection."

"Maybe it's time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your tired masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel teased the brevity of the application, saying it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Exactly, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Affordability Issues

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's declining poll numbers amid economic worries. "Voters gave Donald Trump a second term because they were angry about the economy," he explained.

Recently, in a effort to address prices, Trump held a briefing in front of a selection of grocery items, and behaved peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"He is so extremely weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by criticizing conservative media arguments of Trump's financial record. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like what FIFA did," he remarked.